Do a handstand!

How well do people know the authentic you? Or is the real you hidden somewhere below the surface? People who know me, and sometimes people who only meet me for a few minutes, often describe me as fearless…but what they don’t know is that I’m actually terrified inside of many things – like being afraid to swing at a tennis ball or ski down a mountain or jump off a high dive (it literally took me an hour once to finally jump at the Lake Club when I was 10) or things like speaking up for myself or even taking a risk at work . And I don’t know why I feel so afraid- I guess because I’m worried I’ll miss, or fall over, or FAIL and people will laugh at me- so I tell myself I can’t do it and I don’t even try… But something happened recently that reminded me that that’s really not the healthiest or easiest way to live your life, and if you take away your fear and stop judging yourself, life can actually be fun, and you’ll find yourself doing things you never imagined possible.

While taking a yoga class outside the other day with my friends Luana and Wayne, (the Laughing Lotus class in the park by the High Line on Weds from 7pm-8pm is lovely), the task came to do handstand-and I instantly froze. Fear took over- just like when I was a little girl in middle school in gym class during a game of Dead Ball when I’d literally peg myself dead just to get out of the game and avoid playing- and I thought to myself “I can’t do it, I’m not going to even try, and I’ll sit this one out”- but my friend Luana (who IS TRULY fearless- she beat breast cancer and started an amazing organization to help others beat it too) - was not letting me off easy and she MADE me do it- despite my verbal excuses and rationalizing… and much to my surprise after several attempts, kicks and screams (not very Zen I know) I found that I was on my hands, feet in the air and she even let go for a minute! And I thought to myself- I did it- and I CAN do it- so stop being so afraid! I felt amazing. And then I wanted to do it again and again! Coincidentally my friend Wayne was so unafraid he didn’t just do a handstand- he also walked on his hands until he fell over and laughed. (I don’t think he knows the meaning of fear- at least during yoga.) But there was something so freeing about knowing that I could literally kick my feet up in the air and hold myself up without any problem at all when 5 minutes prior I was certain I could never do it. I was proud of myself- and very grateful my friend Luana did not let me chicken out like I always do.

And after that moment I realized something- fear can be crippling and hold us back from so many new and wonderful experiences and not allow us to “play”, but it’s those few minutes of doubt right before we take the plunge that can truly make us or break us. If we don’t truly believe we can do it, even after we decide to go through with something, things might still fall apart- and believe me I know-I am the one who dove into the diving board once after I decided I couldn’t do an inward dive when on the diving team at 12 years old- but the problem was I decided it AFTER I jumped and I have the scars to prove it. I dove right into the board- OUCH. The key is to just go for it without any fear and trust, because if you never try- you’ll never know- and it’s our fears and judgements that are holding us back. So next time you feel the that devilish fear come up in your ear and whisper “you can’t do it…” tell it to kindly F--- Off (yes be that bold) and go for it- jump, dive, leap, swing… and I promise you not only will you feel free and exhilarated, but chances are you’ll do whatever it was you were certain you couldn’t do before and then some.

Namaste friends. Go have some fun!